| Drugs | Earth | Earthquake |
 | Earth |
| After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER." | |
| Earth (3), Planets (3) | Willliam S. Burroughs (1) |
| Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. | |
| Scientists (1), Animals (12), Earth (3), Cows (1) | Dave Barry (2) |
| What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. | |
| Earth (3), Simulations (1), Animals (12), Asteroids (1) | Dave Barry (2) |
| Drugs | Earth | Earthquake |