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| Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. | | Women (14), Siblings (1), Ugliness (3) | Mark Twain (16) |
| When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. | | War (9), Women (14), Men (15) | Elayne Boosler (1) |
| I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. | | Police (3), Women (14), Wives (7) | Ilie Nastase (1) |
| A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. | | Men (15), Money (11), Wives (7), Women (14) | Anonymous (9) |
| I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. | | Women (14), Men (15), Pain (2) | Emo Philips (2) |
| You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day. | | Women (14), Kill (2), Minutes (2), Days (2) | Ambrose Bierce (5) |
| How do you write woman so well? - I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability. | | From the movie "As good as it gets". | | Women (14), Men (15) | Jack Nicholson (1) |
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