| Airports | Alcohol | Animals |
 | Alcohol |
| I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. | |
| probable replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!' | |
| Alcohol (10), Ugliness (3), Drinking (4) | Winston Churchill (12) |
| I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. | |
| Smoking (3), Alcohol (10), Sex (11), Healthy (1), Suicide (2), Drinking (4) | Johnny Carson (2) |
| When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
| Alcohol (10), Reading (1), Drinking (4) | Henny Youngman (2) |
| I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. | |
| Drugs (2), Alcohol (10) | Hunter S. Thompson (1) |
| You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. | |
| Alcohol (10), Drinking (4) | Dean Martin (1) |
| Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. | |
| Alcohol (10), Beer (2), God (6), Love (3) | Benjamin Franklin (2) |
| Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer. | |
| Beer (2), Alcohol (10), Married with Children (1) | Al Bundy (1) |
| Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity. | |
| Alcohol (10), Christianity (1) | Friedrich Nietzsche (4) |
| To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems! | |
| Alcohol (10), Solution (1), Life (12), Problems (4) | Homer Simpson (7) |
| Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. | |
| Alcohol (10), Sports (12), Win (1), Lose (2) | Homer Simpson (7) |
| Airports | Alcohol | Animals |